In a desperate attempt of a fashion loop, I managed to came up with this angle. Luckily, it turned out well. Thanks for the photographer for believing with my capacity and ideas. The shots were beyond beautiful.
Sometimes the world gets so lonely and you start thinking about all the times you got your heartbroken and all the times you wished you had someone by your side. Sometimes it feels like love is a foreign word — a foreign concept you hear people talking about but you don’t really understand.
Sometimes it feels like love isn’t in the cards for you and while that’s something you’ll never know for sure, you can still make the best out of your journey.
Maybe your journey is not about love, maybe it’s about purpose.
Maybe it’s about finding your passion and following it, or maybe it’s about moving to a new city and finding another side of life that excites you. Maybe it’s about finding a new hobby, a new talent or a new idea that could be the next best thing and maybe it’s about traveling and roaming the world until you find meaning in your life or until you figure out what exactly you’re born to do.
Maybe it’s not about intimacy, maybe it’s about inspiration.
Maybe it’s about meeting a bunch of people who inspire you to live better, to be better, to learn something or maybe they will enlighten you with their wisdom, with their stories and the moments that changed their lives. Maybe it’s about doing things solo so you can truly listen to your thoughts, so you can make decisions that are not influenced by anyone else and maybe it’s about being inspired by yourself; your strength, your abilities, your battles and your stories. Maybe your journey now is about changing your own life.
Maybe it’s not about attachment, maybe it’s about letting go.
Maybe it’s not about finding someone to love but letting go of all the ones you loved before. Maybe it’s about redefining love and what it means to you or maybe it’s about letting go of all the remains of your heartbreak so you can love with all your heart again. Maybe for now, your journey is about forgetting your exes and your past and focusing on moving on. Maybe the lesson is in completely moving on before finding someone else.
Maybe your journey is not about finding love, maybe it’s about loving yourself. Maybe it’s about rebuilding yourself or maybe it’s about walking away.
Walking away from it all, from what you used to know, from who you used to be and going in another direction where better things await — things that make you wonder why you were so worried about finding love when you could be finding the world.
Be a Rebel! Be a problem for anyone who takes authority as a sign to belittle and mistreat others. Stick a middle finger up to arbitrary rules that exist in the face of common sense.
Be different, just because everyone else likes to be the same, and someone needs to makes waves and rock the boat just to test how sturdy its foundations are.
Shave your head, get a tattoo, talk when someone ‘shhh’s’ you, because shhh’ing is more annoying than talking.
Embrace what everyone else complains about.
Speak the truth even when you know it’ll piss people off. Laugh loudly in a quiet place because that shit was funny and you just had to let it out.
Shout sometimes, because we need the release. Be late sometimes just because you can, and it’s boring to always be on time.
Quit something! Not because it was too hard, or you couldn’t do it, but because you realised that it wasn’t for you, that it didn’t speak to you, move you, or ignite your soul.
Question everything! Make people have to consider the ‘why’s’ of what they believe. Pushing them to have to at least explain the reasons behind their convictions. Make them afraid to just repeat what they’ve heard unless they can show they understand what they preach.
Disagree with others regularly, because there is no way everyone agrees with everyone. And if someone asks you why you always feel the need to disagree? Look them square in the eyes and ask them, ‘why you don’t?’
Don’t be someone who just believes in something, be someone who fights for it, yells about it, and takes on anyone who tries to disrespect it.
Speak up when everyone else wants to but are too afraid to cause a commotion. Be the storm in the world when everyone else is content to be the breeze.
Be a Rebel! A trouble maker! A fire that blazes fierce and alive and out of control, so bright that those who are inspired by your flames dance wildly around you, free, uninhabited and unashamed to release the wild spirit of their souls.
You are the one I always wanted to tell my stories to. You are the one I always wanted to see each day. In every single thing, you are my first.
People keep telling me that you’re poison.
But, no; you are my sanity. You are my savior. You pull me up whenever I wallow in darkness. You are enough for me.
But you are also tiring. Every now and then, I question myself if everything that I’m doing is worth it; I think to myself that I have given more than I should’ve. It was practically like I lived for you. I prioritized you over myself to the point that your sanity comes over mine. I’ve been there for you through thick and thin – through every breakdown you’ve had.
But you were never there for any of mine. You are always the first one I want to talk to when it feels like the world is crashing down on me; when if feels like everyone else is walking away. It was always you. Yet not even once have you been there for me.
I do believe that people love differently. We cannot expect others to love us the way we expect them to, or want them to.. but you’re too much.
You are confusing. We became close. I thought of you as my best friend. Then people started pointing out how different you’ve been treating me; how special they believe I am to you – that we might be something more than friends. That possibility never crossed my mind until almost everyone brought it up.
Little by little, I might have reciprocated every sweet gesture you’ve done for me. I enjoyed every night you’d text me that you’re coming over and we’d stay up late talking about all sorts of things, just enjoying each other’s company, or just singing our hearts out. Somewhere along the way, I might have started to fall for you.
Little by little, reality started to unfold right before my eyes.But I reached my limit. I confronted you. I wanted to establish what we really were. I wanted you to tell me that I’m not the only one feeling this way. I was right. You told me that I’m different from everyone else. You told me you treated me differently. But I was also wrong. You told me you’re sorry for the confusion – for crossing the line. You told me I’m just your best friend. You’re too much.
I wasn’t your person. I was merely a safety net you clung onto. I was merely the person who made herself available to you. I was merely the person you needed when you feel down because I listen to you; because I try to understand you.
I wasn’t the one you wanted to tell your stories to. I was merely the one willing to listen to you.
You’re only there when you need me. You left me hanging. They were right. You are poison. I’ve been too blinded to see that I was tearing away a piece of me every time I tried to patch you up.
If you ever come across this, I hope you do realize that it’s you. I’ll never admit it to you if you ask me though.
I know that you’ll tell me that it’s not what you intended to do. But you always made me feel this way. I made excuses for you. I rationalized for you.
I know you’ll tell me that you’re damaged, that’s why. But I also am damaged. We both are. But I was the one who always gave more. Rather, I was the only one giving until I had nothing left for myself.
You were right. I’ve done more than I should. And it ends here. You never chose me. And now I’m choosing myself.
You aren’t worth it.
I am finally walking away. I am finally saying goodbye.
I will always love you. I know that a part of me will always do.
I’m not writing this out of spite or because I hate you. Before, I did, a lot.
But I’m writing this now because if it weren’t for you, I wouldn’t realize what I truly deserved. When we were together, I thought that I had the whole world behind me and I was truly invincible. I believed that we were the ideal team and that nothing would ever tear us down. But after a rough couple of years, our path hit an end.
I really thought that you were the one for me, and I loved the feeling of being yours, even if it was only for a short while. Everything with you was perfect – the way we naturally clicked, how easy everything came around you, and how free and safe I felt with you. When we were together, I forgot all the troubles going on in my life at the time, and when it came to the troubles that I couldn’t shake, you were there for me and helped me through.
I really did fall hard for you, even though I didn’t mean to fall as hard as I did.
The last thing I want to do is to let go and stop trying to win you back, but it’s for the sake of my own sanity. Thank you for the nights you told me that I was worth it. Thank you for the times you would surprise me with my favorite foods. Thank you for taking care of me on nights that I was unable to. Thank you for being my number one fan through all of my competitions. Thank you for meeting my family, they used to love you. Thank you for some of these memories that I’m finally forgetting. Thank you for loving me.
I’d also like to thank you for the life lessons that you taught me, especially self-respect and self-worth, which I thought were the most important.
I finally got it in my head that I need to have enough respect for myself, to know when to collect myself, to let go, and to stop chasing something that will never happen.
I still miss you at times. The old you, of course. I don’t really know who you are now, as I’m sure you’ve changed. Thank you for showing me that one-way attempts at fixing something will only result in that person getting hurt even more in the end. Thank you for hurting me. The healing process obviously hurts and it isn’t something that will heal overnight. I’m going to be stronger than before once I’m healed.
Thank you for showing me that bending backwards for someone isn’t always enough to keep them around, and that people will leave if that’s what they want, no matter what you do.
Surely, I will always miss you and you will always have a piece of my heart, even though you said that “I’m only a distraction to your goals.” After all of this, I don’t hate you; I could never hate you. I want us to be civil and I want to see you succeed, to move on with your life as I’m doing with mine. And I really do hope that you find happiness and whatever it is that you’re looking for. So, this is goodbye, and good luck.
Our ending was so difficult because the truth was, we never actually began anything. We danced in this gray area of almosts and one day and fantasies that never would become reality.
But that didn’t mean goodbye didn’t break me when we finally said it. It didn’t make it easier walking away when all I wanted to do was turn back around.
Leaving didn’t mean I didn’t love you but I had to learn to love myself.
Pain did not come knocking first, asking if we were finally a couple. It did not discriminate against anyone. It merely went after it’s victims for a feeling. And what I felt for you was so strong, I held on longer than I should have because I did think we’d end up together one day.
I think I loved you more because you never were mine but I wanted you to be.
But it became a tired game I felt I was playing alone. I couldn’t do it anymore.
I couldn’t keep trying to be enough because it wasn’t about being my best, what it came down to was we weren’t right for each other. Loving you as deeply as I could wouldn’t change that.
Eventually, I stopped believing in us. Eventually, I realized I might have been wrong, investing so much of my heart into someone.
So I said goodbye and it completely broke me. Letting you go was the hardest thing I ever did but I knew something good would come of it.
Don’t text me. Don’t call me. Don’t keep following me and liking everything I post. Because I quit. If it’s a game you wanted, it’s a game you won but when it comes to love, I’m the type of person who plays for keeps. And you were never going to love me back.
I walked away for both of us. I deserve someone different and you deserve someone you’re sure of.
You always told me I was strong I just never thought I’d have to use that strength against you. Because this does hurt me and it breaks my heart giving up on you.
I’m stuck between my heart telling me to stay and try again but my head telling me don’t be an idiot. I need someone who needs me. I need someone who wants me.
I know you care, we both do. You don’t love me enough to be with me but you love me enough to not want to let me go. But I need you to do just that.
If you care about me at all, you’ll let me find someone who can give what you can’t.
You’ve held me for so long without touch
but I can’t stay here in the same spot anymore, knowing we aren’t going anywhere. I need stability in my life and I need someone who can provide that for me.
I don’t look at it as giving up. I look at it as for the first time, I’m giving myself what I deserve. I’m just sorry that person couldn’t be you.
A letter to you — the one who puts up walls because it’s safer that way. A letter to me, the one who ghosts when life gets overwhelming. A letter to anyone who made a habit out of pushing people away. I hope 2017 is the year things change.
In 2016, it was easy to think things would never get better. It was bombarding us. Maybe even made us feel selfish – how we blamed a year for everything being so hard. 2016 did not attempt to do us wrong. It was just a year, after all.In 2016, it was easy to hide. To hide from the world, from the hurt, from the series of painful events. We kept loved ones at an arms length. We learned how to disappear without anyone even noticing, or so we thought.
In 2017, I have no idea what the landscape is going to be. I don’t know if hate will prevail or if love will come bursting out every crack in the foundation until we’re brimming with it. I hope the latter. But I can’t promise a year will magically fix everything. In fact, I don’t think a year can do that. It might be unfair to even expect.
But a new year signifies a new beginning.
In 2017, I hope you let people in.
I hope you give them a chance to get to know you – your intricacies, the traits that make you so uniquely, unapologetically you. I hope you find a way to shed that armor you’ve been donning. Forgive me for how grossly cheesy this is, but that heart of yours is so good. You’ve got a gooey center, you know?
In 2017, I hope you realize your own worth. You, and only you, get to determine how you feel about yourself. I hope you find power in that. An entire universe exists inside you. How lucky others would be to have an opportunity to discover the depths you contain.
You’ve learned how to keep your vulnerabilities out of view. But in this coming year, I hope you realize the strength in letting those imperfections show.
I hope you let someone in enough to love you. To love every single part of you. Because, in 2017, you are so deserving of happiness. I hope you know that.